The Winner's Guide to Winning an Argument
There is a strong belief floating around out there that there is a science, or even an art, to winning an argument or debate.
They would have you believe that since they took a debate class in high school or even college, they will own you on the current issues. What they will soon learn that this just simply isn't the case.
What you are about to read, and absorb into your very being, are proven tactics that will have your opposition wishing they hadn’t tried so hard.
NEVER make eye contact - Looking your opponent in the eye conveys the impression that you care that they have ideas or opinions worth having a face to express them.
It's bad enough the opposition has a voice, don’t give it a face!
My suggested alternative would be to look off into the distance over their shoulder or at the ceiling or sky (whichever applies).
Always speak louder than the opposition - Not only does it make it possible for bystanders hear your awesome viewpoints, it can also be very intimidating to the weaker, quieter opponent. The intimidation soon becomes frustration as the reality of their inferior speaking skills is forced upon them.
By no means should you ever use logic - Why complicate matters with things such as facts, order or purpose? Besides, the absence of logic will almost instantly confuse the tool opposing you and it will destroy any hopes they have at making a point. This one is a hard one to stick to; you must fight all natural urges to use logic.
Sarcastically repeat everything they say - It is so annoying and so fun all at the same time. The key to this is proper voice inflexion; otherwise you end up sounding like a retarded parrot for the other side.
Always carry Jesus in you heart - so you can use Him to blow up the argument like an atom bomb at the drop of a hat (or thorny crown or what have you). If they argue against Jesus they will be thrust down into the fiery pits of hell for all of eternity - biggest win of all! Be careful when using this tactic with the Jews and the Swedes for they have quite a skewed perception of what He has done and will do.
When they have obviously prepared with "facts" that counter your awesome self, using phrases such as the following can and will turn the tables back in your favor:
"The fact of the matter is…" It doesn’t matter what you say after that because it instantly becomes what’s really important.
"You couldn’t be more misinformed!" They don’t agree with you, so they must be.
"Well, my mom says…" That last one is gold (especially if the other person is a pansy). If they disagree with your mother and argue against what she has to say, well, that’s disrespecting your mom and them’s fighting words. Now a verbal confrontation has become physical. Now who’s in the right? You are. Why? Because Mom said so.
