How You Hold It At The Urinal And What It Says About You
The one hander - You mean business.
Straightforward, direct, and to the point, what you lack in creativity you make up for in clarity.
The two hander - You are a bad liar.
That's not a firehose and you aren't fooling anyone. Also, your girlfriend has known all along that you are cheating on her, but she's staying with you because she doesn't want to have to pay for her own dinners and/or movies. What, don't believe me? Have you been getting any lately? Yeah, she knows.
The no hander - You are laid back/chill.
You don't even care about the occasional splashback on your shoe.
The squeaker - You bastard.
It doesn't matter how many hands you are using, if you fart next to me at the urinal you are a sausage and I hope you die.
Hands in the pockets - A varient of the one hand or the no hand, you are trying to act casual but really you are nervous about having your pants down in a room full of strange men.
That insecurity probably extends beyond the urinal to all facets of your life. Don't think you are fooling anyone. They can smell your fear.
One handing the wall - A varient either of the one hander or the no hander, the same applies except you are lazy.
Two handing the wall - A no hander who is either so lazy and disgusting that he doesn't care that he is leaning against a wall that other men pee on, or so hung over that he would pass out if he weren't.
The superman - No handing with pride. Possibly used as an excuse to sneak a peek at the guy next to you.
No pants - That's right, Michael Bailey, I saw your shame in the fourth grade and I will never forget. You were a douche bag then, and you are a douche bag now.
A moron to the point of likely mental retardation. How the hell could you be so stupid that you didn't notice that everyone else peeing is with their pants on.
