Is Barack Obama Secretly a Comic Book Villain?
by Dick ValentineWe've all asked our selves that question at one time or another, but this week it finally became relevant. As you probably don't know, because your idea of fine journalism is the Daily Show with John Stewart, a poster of President Obama has started surfacing in L.A. and other parts of the country that depicts him as a comic book villain.
We all know the story of young Barack in his early days as The Hawaiian Punch, growing up in the brutal sun drenched slums of Honolulu. Like any respectable black superhero, The Hawaiian Punch split his crime fighting life between battling harmful stereotypes, providing comic relief for better known heroes, and waging a holy crusade against the criminal master-mind known as The Man. However, this new poster has many wondering whether The Prez, as he is now known, has lost touch with his young wise cracking self and actually become The Man.
This blow could not come at a worse time. Ever since the election campaign, the now famous "Hope" poster has been reaffirming the nation's belief that it elected an invincible super hero to fight the evils of Global Warmer and Recessiod. But lately, the nation's confidence in Mr. Obama's fighting prowess has somewhat declined in the face of a new enemy, The Uninsured.
I've talked to a lot of concerned citizens who are no longer sure that The Prez is the man we thought he was. "I don't know if that poster is real or fake," said Captain America, "but I do know that no self-respecting super hero would allow that sort of insult to go unanswered. If we don't see The Prez on national television in the next few days fist fighting whoever is responsible for this on top of the Pentagon, at night, in the rain... well, he's going to have a lot of explaining to do."
"This never would have happened under Reagan," he added.
When I asked for his take on this whole mess, The Prez's trusty side kick Joe "The Gaff" Biden stood stalwartly by his side side as always. "Look Dick, The Prez is a hero, he's my hero, and he should still be your hero. Besides, that poster doesn't even look like him. It doesn't show his inner beauty," he said, staring up longingly at his best friend and closest companion with those big puppy dog eyes, dreaming of what could never be.
The Prez has yet to respond to my request for a comment on the poster and has not been seen in public since early Wednesday morning according to my sources. The official statement from the White House is that he has taken to the streets of D.C. to squeeze information from low-lifes until he gets a hot lead. But I worry that maybe he has secretly retreated to a hidden island fortress where he will once and for all assume the identity of The Man and wage his sinister war against minority groups and tax dodgers. Only time will tell.
Somewhere in Arizona, John McCain pulls on a red spandex uniform one last time.
