Italians are Bastards
by Johnny HolidayIf you have been to Italy before, this won't surprise you. If you haven't, take my word for it.
You know how when you come back from the beach, you have sand in between your toes and in your hair and down your pants? That is what it is like to go to Italy, except it isn't sand.
It is filth.
Italy is filthy as sin, and harder to get rid of (a Hail Mary and a rosary will get you out of sin, but it won't get you out of Italy).
And the people - you don't have to understand what an Italian is saying to know that he is a pompous asshole, they sound like pompous assholes because they are pompous assholes.
Italian Picture Tour
From space, Italy kind of looks like an angry penis that is trying to bite you.
Waiters at the quaint shops around St. Peter's Basilica are known for
not washing their hands after going to the bathroom.
The world famous Colosseum of Rome - here Julius Cesar had to wait for the next
bus because so many damn Italians shoved their way in front of him in line.
When looking at this famous work by Michelangelo,
you almost forget that you are wading knee deep in filth,
and surrounded by a stench that you won't ever be able
to get out of your clothes.
In Venice you can buy 1 liter bottles of water for €7.
Ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, where Michelangelo was knocked off his feet by
a group of jerk Italians trying to crowd into the elevator before he could get out.
He was on vacation in Pompeii when Mussolini first discovered that he was
the single worst ally of all time.
The Leaning Tower of Pisa is the only building in the world that is famous
because it can't stand up straight. Congratulations Italy.
The famous Italian scientist Galileo may have
been directly responsible for the rape and murder
of hundreds, if not thousands of young children.
And that is just sick.
