A Few Words on the iPhone Debate
by Johnny HolidayLet me tell you something about people who bag on the iPhone - their cell phones suck.
There are three kinds of people in this world - people who have iPhones, people who wish they had iPhones, and people who do not know what iPhones are.
Anyone who claims to know what iPhones are and not want one is a liar, and probably has to lie to themself about a whole lot of other things too just to make themself feel adequate.
They are also probably a thief, possibly a murder, and would definitely cheat on their significant other given half the chance.
And don't even try to tell me what my iPhone can't do. Just because there are things my iPhone can't do, that doesn't mean that your phone is any less a piece of crap.
Things your phone can do -
1) Suck
2) Take pictures
3) Send texts
4) Call people
5) Get bought in Japan
Things most iPhones can do -
1) Not suck
2) Play/take video
3) Send texts (but cooler)
4) Call people
5) Play music
6) Have internet
Things my iPhone can do -
1) Get that nasty mustard stain out of my favorite t-shirt
2) Make people like me
3) Make me like myself
4) Hold my doodle while i take a pee
5) Put out grease fires
6) Threaten the sovereignty of Italy
