Michael Jackson’s Disembodied Brain Holds Toronto Hostage
Dick Valentine (HF News International)Preliminary reports indicate that a massive floating brain has taken the city of Toronto hostage today. The brain is tentatively being identified as the missing brain of pop legend Michael Jackson.
Mr. Jackson’s brain was removed last week in order for scientists to perform tests to help determine the cause of his death. It was last seen by security cameras as it floated out the rear entrance of the laboratory where the tests were being performed.
It is not yet known how the brain managed to grow to its current near blimp size, but many suspect it is because the brain has been eating its vegetables.
One eye witness reports that the brain has encased the entire city of Toronto in a force-field made of pure thought and is demanding that all of Mr. Jackson’s music be permanently destroyed before it will release the city. So far, authorities are unwilling to comply with the brain’s demands due to the fact that no gives a shit about Canada and everyone loves “Thriller.”
President Obama had this to say: “While we are concerned and will be monitoring this situation very closely, we do not give in to the demands of terrorists, or brains. Besides, we’re talking about erasing ‘Thriller.’ ‘THRILLER!’”
